I have been a little lost lately. Trying to find myself. Putting myself out there too much. Wondering hopelessly, in search of nothing. Have you ever felt that? Being lost in search of the unknown. Well it has happened. I thought of myself as someone who knows herself, who knows what she likes, dislikes, who knows where she is headed. This disillusionment led me to a weird place, which I never thought I would be in. A state of just being, existing for the sake of it. I had lost my drive towards my goals, I had become a wanderer, but a lost one.
My love for expressing myself through my writing, my fashion had slowly faded as I tried to fit to the norm. I know I am unique as we all are. But I know I’m a lot different, and yet I write the way everyone else writes, try to fit my brains into that tiny little box. I forgot, in the meanwhile, that I am an artist who paints through her words, and creates wonderful imagery which just starts with my imagination. I was proud enough to believe that I do not need to explain myself, to tell you guys the truth about things while I ranted on about ‘acceptable’ topics.
But I let myself go. I have had a lot of time to think, to ponder. And sometimes to be mindless and isolated from all thoughts. So many places that I have visited, so many beautiful sunsets that I have not missed. So many people that I have met, so many temptations that I have indulged in. I have danced my heart out till wee hours in the morning, drank until I do not remember my name, slept for days and eaten till my stomach hurt. I have seen the sunrise from the skies, a sunset which brought me to tears.
A friend put up a quote saying- “I have travelled through madness to find ME.” And yes, I have definitely been mad and I shall always be. I want to tell you my stories, share my emotions and my experiences. I want to make you feel, want you to flinch, frown and smile. I want you to feel what I feel. I want to make you think.
And in the end of the year, and the wake of the new year to come, let me excite you for what is to come.